In Buddhism, the first of the Four Noble Truths brings an awareness to the reality of dukkha. It says "All life is dukkha," which is often translated as "All life is suffering." Sounds pessimistic, right? Albeit however difficult life can be, I've always had a qualm with this specific translation. Is all life suffering? Or is it our fixed perceptions, expectations and habitualizations which bring about suffering?
The original use of the word "dukkha" referred to the center of a wheel, such as a potter's wheel or a chariot wheel. If the center was not quite centered, the wheel did not spin properly, and that is dukkha. If the center was right in the middle of the wheel, the wheel spun nicely. That is called sukkha, which is often translated as happiness.
Life is just a series of different happenings, or passing memories. There are times when things will happen that disrupt us on our path (unsatisfactoriness). That is dukkha. How we react is what creates our suffering. But life itself isn't suffering, because there is always an option and always the opportunity for liberation. You have to let the wheel spin however it is intending to spin. It is when we resist the spinning of the wheel that we create suffering.
This feels especially relevant to me today because I finally feel like I've found a comfortable rhythm to my life. Sometimes the ride is extremely bumpy, but there is still a rhythm present, and I feel I've been given the practical tools of sitting with this rhythm through all of its comfort and its discomfort.
It's funny: growing up, I always thought that the way we accumulated knowledge was like brick being stacked upon brick. Clear lines of demarcation. Different levels of achievement. In contrast to that now, I've come to find that the way we accumulate knowledge is this: each lesson morphs into each other to make up our own individual experience. The line between each is blurred. It is a part of us.
In honor of my birthday today, I wanted to share 10 of the most valuable life lessons I have learned that have shaped me as the individual I am today. These are just some among many, in no specific order:
1. You can't take the suffering from another man.
This was one of the more difficult tasks I have encountered (and still continue to work with). As sensitive, empathetic human beings, it doesn't feel very good to see somebody else suffering, especially when it is somebody we deeply love and care for. But there is a difference between being there for somebody (comfort) and wanting to take their suffering away (control). When we have certain ideas of how someone else should be operating in the world, we are building up unreasonable expectations and our sympathy becomes less about them and more about ourselves.
2. Money is not actual wealth.
Surprising, right? But money is a social convention. And money is not the most interesting thing you can bring to the table. I don't care how much or how little money you make. I am interested in what inspires you, what lights you up, and when you are alone with yourself do you enjoy the company you keep? Some of my happiest times have been when I've had absolutely Zero dollars to my name.
3. Goodbyes are for those who love with their eyes. (Rumi)
It is so hard to say goodbye to those we love. But it becomes easier once we can see that the love we have is there inside all along.
4. We all share the most basic things in common: We are all born, and therefore we all die. And we all just want to be happy.
Religion. Race. Economic class. Hair color. Height. Weight. Sure, if you look closely, you'll see individual differences between human beings, but these are all distinctions for the mind. Aside from that, we all share the most basic things in common. Close both eyes to see!
5. Forgiveness isn't actually something you give to another person. It's something you give to yourself.
I was resistant to forgive for so long, but when this dawned on me, I realized the only possible way I could overcome childhood traumas was to offer forgiveness to myself. We are funny beings...we get so reluctant and resistant to forgive somebody who hurt us because we think, "This person hurt me. Why should I give them anything?" But forgiveness actually has little or nothing to do with the other person; it's a pertinent thing we have to offer ourselves in order to heal anything.
6. The way of transcending anything is to use your experience as a right of passage rather than a badge of honor.
I think this is one of the most difficult ways of approaching life: to use our life experiences as a right of passage rather than a badge of honor or something we identify ourselves with. I think our more negative experiences-- especially traumas-- often make us harden up, which teaches us to walk around with our guard up and this sense of pride that's like "Yeah, I survived that." And this way of viewing our experience actually works to keep us stuck in it. In order to get unstuck, we can see that not only did we "survive" a thing, but we also transcended it. That is the right of passage; the only way to move forward.
7. Always meditate on whatever provokes resentment. (Pema Chodron)
Pema says that "whatever arises is the fresh." When you are angry/anxious/afraid/lonely/depressed/etc., use it as an opportunity to wake up. Sit with it no matter how uncomfortable it may be. Even if your meditation seems to be going horribly, that is just the "housecleaning." The best measure of how your meditation is going is how you feel afterwards.
8. Memories are distorted.
Because memories are present traces of past experiences, they are inherently distorted. When they come up, we think we are experiencing the thing itself in its truest form. But it's equivalent to witnessing a bird's footprints on a beach; we're not actually experiencing the bird walking. What we are actually experiencing is a present trace of a past experience. Our memories don't have to control us.
9. For the things you have no power to change through your will alone, surrender. (Corina Benner)
The distinction between "will-power" and "surrendering" is something my teacher Corina brought up in a Yin Yoga training. Willpower is necessary to help us effectively make decisions and plans. But if there is something you are consistently stuck on, think to yourself: is this something I can change with my will alone? And if not, perhaps the only solution is to surrender. Whatever happens is the fresh, right?
10. Trust yourself.
We are sometimes so ugly to ourselves. Have more faith in yourself. Seriously. You can do anything. And you are beautiful. Period.
Life has certainly been challenging, but now I am quite glad to be alive. To the agreeable and to the disagreeable. And I am grateful to all the friends, family, strangers and lessons in my life that have helped to shape me and move me forward.
Here's to the next revolution around the sun.....
The original use of the word "dukkha" referred to the center of a wheel, such as a potter's wheel or a chariot wheel. If the center was not quite centered, the wheel did not spin properly, and that is dukkha. If the center was right in the middle of the wheel, the wheel spun nicely. That is called sukkha, which is often translated as happiness.
Life is just a series of different happenings, or passing memories. There are times when things will happen that disrupt us on our path (unsatisfactoriness). That is dukkha. How we react is what creates our suffering. But life itself isn't suffering, because there is always an option and always the opportunity for liberation. You have to let the wheel spin however it is intending to spin. It is when we resist the spinning of the wheel that we create suffering.
This feels especially relevant to me today because I finally feel like I've found a comfortable rhythm to my life. Sometimes the ride is extremely bumpy, but there is still a rhythm present, and I feel I've been given the practical tools of sitting with this rhythm through all of its comfort and its discomfort.
It's funny: growing up, I always thought that the way we accumulated knowledge was like brick being stacked upon brick. Clear lines of demarcation. Different levels of achievement. In contrast to that now, I've come to find that the way we accumulate knowledge is this: each lesson morphs into each other to make up our own individual experience. The line between each is blurred. It is a part of us.
In honor of my birthday today, I wanted to share 10 of the most valuable life lessons I have learned that have shaped me as the individual I am today. These are just some among many, in no specific order:
1. You can't take the suffering from another man.
This was one of the more difficult tasks I have encountered (and still continue to work with). As sensitive, empathetic human beings, it doesn't feel very good to see somebody else suffering, especially when it is somebody we deeply love and care for. But there is a difference between being there for somebody (comfort) and wanting to take their suffering away (control). When we have certain ideas of how someone else should be operating in the world, we are building up unreasonable expectations and our sympathy becomes less about them and more about ourselves.
2. Money is not actual wealth.
Surprising, right? But money is a social convention. And money is not the most interesting thing you can bring to the table. I don't care how much or how little money you make. I am interested in what inspires you, what lights you up, and when you are alone with yourself do you enjoy the company you keep? Some of my happiest times have been when I've had absolutely Zero dollars to my name.
3. Goodbyes are for those who love with their eyes. (Rumi)
It is so hard to say goodbye to those we love. But it becomes easier once we can see that the love we have is there inside all along.
4. We all share the most basic things in common: We are all born, and therefore we all die. And we all just want to be happy.
Religion. Race. Economic class. Hair color. Height. Weight. Sure, if you look closely, you'll see individual differences between human beings, but these are all distinctions for the mind. Aside from that, we all share the most basic things in common. Close both eyes to see!
5. Forgiveness isn't actually something you give to another person. It's something you give to yourself.
I was resistant to forgive for so long, but when this dawned on me, I realized the only possible way I could overcome childhood traumas was to offer forgiveness to myself. We are funny beings...we get so reluctant and resistant to forgive somebody who hurt us because we think, "This person hurt me. Why should I give them anything?" But forgiveness actually has little or nothing to do with the other person; it's a pertinent thing we have to offer ourselves in order to heal anything.
6. The way of transcending anything is to use your experience as a right of passage rather than a badge of honor.
I think this is one of the most difficult ways of approaching life: to use our life experiences as a right of passage rather than a badge of honor or something we identify ourselves with. I think our more negative experiences-- especially traumas-- often make us harden up, which teaches us to walk around with our guard up and this sense of pride that's like "Yeah, I survived that." And this way of viewing our experience actually works to keep us stuck in it. In order to get unstuck, we can see that not only did we "survive" a thing, but we also transcended it. That is the right of passage; the only way to move forward.
7. Always meditate on whatever provokes resentment. (Pema Chodron)
Pema says that "whatever arises is the fresh." When you are angry/anxious/afraid/lonely/depressed/etc., use it as an opportunity to wake up. Sit with it no matter how uncomfortable it may be. Even if your meditation seems to be going horribly, that is just the "housecleaning." The best measure of how your meditation is going is how you feel afterwards.
8. Memories are distorted.
Because memories are present traces of past experiences, they are inherently distorted. When they come up, we think we are experiencing the thing itself in its truest form. But it's equivalent to witnessing a bird's footprints on a beach; we're not actually experiencing the bird walking. What we are actually experiencing is a present trace of a past experience. Our memories don't have to control us.
9. For the things you have no power to change through your will alone, surrender. (Corina Benner)
The distinction between "will-power" and "surrendering" is something my teacher Corina brought up in a Yin Yoga training. Willpower is necessary to help us effectively make decisions and plans. But if there is something you are consistently stuck on, think to yourself: is this something I can change with my will alone? And if not, perhaps the only solution is to surrender. Whatever happens is the fresh, right?
10. Trust yourself.
We are sometimes so ugly to ourselves. Have more faith in yourself. Seriously. You can do anything. And you are beautiful. Period.
Life has certainly been challenging, but now I am quite glad to be alive. To the agreeable and to the disagreeable. And I am grateful to all the friends, family, strangers and lessons in my life that have helped to shape me and move me forward.
Here's to the next revolution around the sun.....
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